favourites {may '13}

a visual collection from my pinterest of what i fancy this month.

 quote // favourite show // lena dunham // picking flowers 
                     

need this // taylor swift // miranda july // need this, too

crocheting // reading on the floor // lemon-ginger-water

schmoyoho // messy hair // lace

-i'm really really very much fallen for "girls" and with that also comes a big crush on the creator of the show, lena dunham. you guys are lucky this isnt a tumblr, otherwise you'd see nothing  but girls-gifs. ;)
-its difficult for me to like taylor swifts music, but i adore taylor swift anyways and have watched too many interviews with her.
-lucy sings a pretty selfwritten song on the xfactor and it got stuck in my head.
-ryan gosling really made me laugh. like, really. sorry. this is what i laugh about.
-harmonica is nice and all, but i really really want an accordeon because i played one a few weeks ago and it was magical.
-amazing underwear is a really good idea because for me it makes everything better. its nice to feel sexy all day round. and what would be sexier than lace.
-i'm also into dried coconut, fancy salads, green smoothies, keeping my room tidy, baking, and braiding my hair this month. yeah. what about you?

ps: you should really click on that "schmoyoho"-link. and dont judge. i've listened to it more than i'd consider healthy.

why learning to play the harmonica is so important to me.

when i was about 17, my cousin (and at that time also best friend) and i made a list. 20 things for each of us to archieve or do within the current year. like finally joining the choir, knitting a hat, drawing a painting, writing a song. but also bigger challenges that we were afraid of: like spending a day as a busker in my hometown, playing songs on the guitar. going without make up for an entire day (a big deal for teenagers, i tell you).
and then funny things to spice up our lives, such as listening to techno (which we hated) for 16 hours. being on the radio. or watching the sunrise, having a picnic on a roof. camping in my room in a tent.

we wanted the list to include big goals but also smaller things to make us grow and leave our comfort zone. it was about making memories, to breathe life. the idea was to document the entire thing on youtube. and we did it for a while.  and then... we didnt anymore. yeah.  i now wish we had, but i cant change it. we also forgot about our lists. i found it a while ago. and smiled at the girl i was. at 17, i was more comfortable with myself than i am now. and i threw myself right into that list (for a while).
so some checkpoints  are already crossed:

(1) i did join the choir.
(2) i did walk around without make up.
(3) i did call the radio (but didnt make it on air).
(4) i did stand there with my guitar and sang.
(5) i did draw a painting.

(6) i did watch a sunrise.
(7) i did read loads of books about research on happiness, the brain & meditation.
(8) i did have a picnic on a roof.

(9) and i did write a song.

but that was all. which leaves me with:

(10) knitting a hat.

(11) learning to play the guitar. (i'm still beginner)
(12) getting into a board game.
(13) giving a concert.
(14) randomly chosing a destination at the train station and going there.
(15) camping in my room for 1 week.
(16) listening to techno for 16 hours.
(17) smiling at 10 guys i find really attractive.
(18) inviting a stranger for ice cream.
(19) finding sports i love and do it regularly.
and, maybe you guessed it, (20) learning to play the harmonica.

my 17 year old self decided that these things were important to do. it was never meant as a bucket list, but i was convinced that each and every point to cross of would help me in some way or make me happier. i have changed a lot, and i dont know if i feel the need to finally finish it all 5 years later. but when i looked at it a while ago, i noticed that it would still do me good to pick up the harmonica. and stick with it. just once. because i cant seem to stick with anything, ever. i couldnt when i was 17 and i cant do it now. i sucessfully avoided the things on the list that required practice and consistency. like i always do.
the list is old and i was young when i made it, but its a smart list. i know what every single point stands for, what i hoped for it to teach me when i let it be one of my 20 goals.
so lets learn a bit from myself as a 17-year old and do what she suggested.

1: writing down how to play a song on the harmonica in my very own way.    
2: first thing after breakfast is practice. before getting dressed. before anything.
3: i recently started crocheting (counts for knitting, i'd say) and the results seem like a 10year-old was the creator. 
4: i cant believe how little i've been reading. when i was 17, i sometimes would read for hours a day. so when my friend gave me this book, i sucked it in within a train ride and it did me good.

last note: i very much appreciate the words you left in response to my entries here. its amazing to me that people are reading what i ramble. not that i'd understand why, but oh well. i write what comes to my mind without considering whether my readers will like it or not. thats why i'm not interested in being a professional blogger. but i'm still astonished how you guys keep coming back here. i will try to become better in commenting under your lovely posts, myself.  because i read what you are writing, too. and i often like it very much. but i'm more of a silent reader so i mostly dont say hello. but now. "hello" everyone. you are lovely! :)

what i wrote into my diary last year.

magic is there when lovers exchange a look and tell each other things without moving their lips. when youre at the movies together and the other leaves you alone during the big, important scenes. magic is when someone recognizes that you're having a moment and doesnt try to infringe upon it. when someone keeps the silence and walks next to you quietly. when someone knows.
insights can contain magic and time can, too. not to mention nature. parties and carelessness. typing on a typewriter without anyone distracting you. quiet mornings. motion and speed. music. and then those almost unbelievable encounters that you remember all your life. i had one today:

i was on the tram late at night. my head rested on my boyfriends shoulder and i'd closed my eyes. i believe it must have appeared like i was sleeping. there was a young asian woman sitting nearby, but i didnt notice her paying any attention to me. when she got up to leave the tram, she turned towards me with a smile and whispered: " it will all be okay. you are capable of much more than you believe.". and then she left.
all day i'd been so anxious and worried about my future, about challenges that seemed too big, too scary. my thoughts had been desperate while resting on my boyfriends shoulder. i didnt say it out loud and i dont know what happened there, but she must have heard.

picture by jillian marleen becker

magic is when someone knows.
magic is when someone recognizes.
magic is when someone understands silently.

bits&pieces.

 

(1) flowers do bring happiness.
(2) we made pesto.
(3) nuts for my snack-cravings while studying.
(4) i feel at home my new room.
(5)  a girl with a thirsty heart and messy hair.

"I AM"

 "i am" still calling myself a girl, but things like the young woman on this photograph let me notice that its time to understand how the future i always dreamt of is now. 

 

 

 

this picture is holy to me and it took a while until i felt is was okay to put it online. again, it was my best friend who took it  - you can see her facebook here.

{previous post here}

monthly challenge {may '13}

i did little things in april and focused on them. tried to really do things with my full attention  - cook with my white kickass apron on, study at lovely places. i also treated myself with lots of visits to lots of cafès. climbed up a hill to look down at the city and took the harmonica with me. took pictures of little pretty things. noticing that my mind lingered in past or future already felt like success. just to be aware of it can already change a lot. surprisingly, i didnt meditate much. it was easier to find a nice place somewhere and then focus on my surroundings to have an encounter with now. so i kept doing that until my brain continued by itself - on the tram, while grocery-shopping... there were times when i was without worries, just peacefully doing what i was doing in that moment. ace. very rare for me. meditation drove me crazy and i decided to leave it be until it feels natural and like something i wanna do.

moments where i was there and not back there or in the future:
1: düsseldorf as seen from the forest.   2: i think you can tell that these are flowers, cant you? 
3: people in my hometown.   4: studying at a café.

what i can say already is that now is bliss. and that i'm just at the beginning. this challenge is one to persue also within the next months. because it makes everything brighter, prettier, happier.

this is what will be happening:

i really want to learn this.  by the way: my harmonica really tasted like pizza when i played it for the first time after years. hmmm. maybe i had a little snack a couple of years back and played right afterwards? are you grossed out now? eh?
and another thing concerning the lovely month of may: i laughed. i'm sure you did, too.

the people around me.

my flatmate announced yesterday that may will be vegan month for her. i highfived her on the idea without hiding my astonishment. i will support her as much as i can and also take it as an opportunity for me to raise my leval of vegan-ness, trying out recipes with her and sharing experiences.
in the evening, my other flatmate was preparing food for a barbecue and i noticed there wasnt any meat around. to my surprise she told me that she'd spent a lot of time on the food system lately and that she wasnt really able to eat meat anymore. when i mentioned the "vegan may", she was enthusiastic to join in. i cannot tell you how surprised and amazed i am that so many people around me are giving thought to what they eat and are willing to abstain from yummy things  (oh how i still love cheese).
one of my düsseldorf-friends just texted me from her newly-acquired very own garden. when i met her, she ate meat. now she's mostly vegan.
my best friend became a vegetarian as a little child (which i admire so much) and also holds her consumption of animal producs to a minimum. my mother and stepdad just told me they are now 100% vegetarian. my exboyfriend doesnt have meat on his plate anymore. and today at university, i noticed the girl in front of me drinking chocolate-milk without actual cowmilk in it and eating a soy-joghurt. just in front of me. a perfectly normal looking girl. like me.
when i went to berlin a few days ago in a big group, i met two girls that i immediately sorted into the chick-drawer (shame on me, there). standing next to me in a coffee shop, they ordered their lattes with soymilk. when i asked, they told me they were vegan.
its just nice not to feel like an outcast. it makes hopelesness and resignation vanish and puts a smile on my face. "i'm not the only one doing this. i'm not crazy." yesterday, i went out to eat. i was able to put anything i wanted on my plate, as the restaurant is 100% vegan with the visitors being everything from meat-eaters to raw-veggies-only-people. the vegan lifestyle seems to become more and more accepted. and this makes me so happy.

breakfast: coffee with oatsmilk (soyilk and me are still avoiding each other), a smootie, grapefruit with agave syrup, cereal with fruits and soy-joghurt, vegan cake. purrrrfect start for the day in my opinion.